Despite our society often shaming us for wanting sex, experts agree that having a high sex drive is entirely normal, and can even be pleasant. It’s important to remember that always being horny is nothing to be ashamed of — it’s just a normal part of who you are. Sex is such a wonderful part of being human. It is our variations that make each one of us unique.
Sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco that she uses a chart to demonstrate the spectrum of sexual desire in her practice. At the highest end of the chart are individuals who think about or have sex all of their waking hours. Below that are individuals who think about sex often and are open to talking about fantasies. Next are individuals who desire sex with their partner, themselves and others, followed by people who only desire sex with their partner and themselves.
Sexual drive is different with all people. It’s totally normal.
However, some people find that always being horny can interfere with their lives. If you find yourself developing obsessive thoughts around sex, or engaging in such frequent or risky sex (with yourself or others) that it is affecting other areas of your life, it may be time to seek professional help to learn to better manage your urges.
High sex drive becomes a problem when it causes distress, which may come in many forms: physical, legal, marital, relationship, occupational, financial. It’s a good idea to make an appointment with a counselor or sex therapist if you find this happening.
What can I do if I’m always horny and my partner isn’t?
One of the biggest sources of strife for people who are always horny is navigating their sex drive with their partner. If one person’s level of desire is different than the other, there must be a compromise on both parts.
Talk openly with your partner to find a level of sexual engagement where your needs are being met, and your partner is not feeling pressured to have more sex than they want to. The key is that both partners have an expectation that they are ok with.
Masturbation is great for managing a high sex drive. Asking your partner to watch you masturbate can be a great way to engage with your partner sexually, even when you’re horny and they are not. The eye contact and non-sexual touch that can occur while one of you gets off can keep you connected as a couple, without pressuring the lower-drive partner for sex.
Some couples with “mismatched” sex drives talk about opening their relationship so that the partner who is always horny can have their sexual needs met in an ethical way. This can be a great solution for some, but it’s also a decision that affects the foundation of your relationship, so proceed with caution.
The key is finding a solution that lets both partners feel respected.
It’s OK if you’re always horny
You might feel weird about always being horny, especially if you don’t have anyone in your life who openly talks about their high sex drive. However, remember that being really horny is entirely normal! The only time it becomes a problem is when it’s having a negative impact on your life.
If balanced well with other life factors and the methods used to achieve satisfaction are healthy, high sex drive can result in a life filled generously with pleasure.
